I did Bikram in Times Square for Solstice. Amazing experience!

I LOVE Bikram Yoga.

It’s a series of 26 postures, done in 105 degree room at almost 50 percent humidity. It’s hard. You work. You sweat more than you ever thought possible. Nothing compares to the feeling of satisfaction of hobbling back to the locker room after class, plopping yourself down on the floor, eyes glazed over, looking at the clouds through the skylight feeling energized, invigorated and schweddy.

 I go about once a week as a compliment to my Crossfit classes. I find it restorative and it really helps to keep me flexible.

 The Bikram class is a spiritual experience. Class is filled with dedicated, hard working yogis staring intently into their own eyes in the mirror, breathing with themselves, shifting things. I swear I feel like a new person every time I leave that room. There is a sacredness to the whole thing.

 One class, I completely forgot about the whole sacred, look into your eyes thing. As is prone to happen, my stupid ego decided to take the wheel.

The lesson I learned was monumental.


The class started off like any other: half naked yogis rolling out their mats, laying down and getting centered before class starts. In the front row, I spotted one of the teachers unrolling her mat and getting ready to take the class herself. Suddenly a surge of confidence bolted through me; I marched up right next to her and unrolled my mat.

Me Vs. Her.

I’ve gained a lot of confidence in my athletic abilities since doing Crossfit, I decided to put my strength to the test by going head to head with one of the Bikram instructors. I was determined to do each pose with more flexibility, determination, and fierceness than her. It was no longer two lovely yogis posing in the mirror and working on themselves, but a scary, weird competition of who could ‘do yoga the best.’

The class starts, I’m feeling great. Keeping up with her and even going a bit further than her with some poses. “Great,” I think. “I have got this in the bag.”

She goes down.

Laying down is what you do in Bikram when you are feeling especially overwhelmed or tired. It conserves your energy and gives your body a break so you can make it through the rest of the class.

I’m ELATED. Here I am, trudging through perfect execution of the poses, and my foe, the teacher next to me is LAYING DOWN.

“I’m no where near having to lay down”, I think to myself. “I’ve won!”

Then, while twisted up in some pose, I hear a noise next to me. It starts as a small whimper, then continues into a full on sob. Here we are, a full class and the teacher is laying on her back, eyes closed. Full on sobbing. She won.


It doesn’t matter how well I executed the poses of the rest of the class, there was nothing else I could do. The competition was over. She blew me out of the water. Tears don’t happen often, but when they do it’s huge. Something about the combination of the heat, the postures and the mental stamina bring them out. It means you have become so surrendered and done so much work that trapped emotions are literally being expelled from your body. The crying is uncontrollable, full-body, and enormously cathartic.

Things got real. There I was, sweating, brow furrowed, stuck in gross competition vibe, in my pose staring down at her.

It only took a second for compassion to sweep over me. Just watching this person, tears streaming down her face, full-on sobbing in a class of Brooklyn hipsters was enough for the lesson to sink in.

She had more courage than I did. She allowed herself to go to that emotional, vulnerable place. It didn’t matter that I could get lower to the ground than her in chair pose, she had more courage and emotional capacity than I did.

In that moment, the whole idea of competition completely crumbled.

 What I got out of this:

  • Not all progress is visible. She probably worked up to this moment through years of classes and personal work.
  • I gained a TON of compassion for this girl. It was incredible to watch her release years of pent-up emotions and blocked energy. Who knows what she has been through, but to see it all released was a truly humbling experience.
  • Competition in this capacity is totally gross. It turned me into a sweaty, greedy, monster. I’m so happy I bounced back from that gross place and was able to actually see the lesson available for me.


Andrew Carter is the interwebs fiercest Self-Actualization Amigo, who says the hard thing, makes the difference, and basically gets your ass in gear. He is based in NYC.


Sharing Rocks!

“I’m slaying the scene and these bitches will DEAL”

-The best thing I’ve heard her say.

Yep, I’m friends with a dominatrix.

Apart from being a totally kickass person, the way this girl dominates (haha) her life is totally inspiring. Once she puts her mind to something there is no stopping her. Determination, willpower–call it what you will, but the fact of the matter is she gets things done. She is always projecting such a poised self-confidence. 

I was curious if the insight she has gained as a domme have any real world application.

I asked and she delivered.





Becoming a “domme” or dominatrix is not something you aspire to be when you’re a little kid. “Mommy, when I grow up I want to kick men in the scrotum!” It’s not even something I imagined I’d ever do, as I attended Princeton University. Nevertheless, I was first exposed to the world of BDSM, while dating an open-minded individual in college. Even after the relationship ended, I was left wanting more. I craved this new and exciting world where limits and boundaries were explored and challenged. As a woman, I deeply appreciated the feminist undertones and unconditional adoration given to the dominant woman as well as the fact that BDSM is truly more of a psychological and spiritual exercise than a sexual experience.

After graduation, I decided to make my hobby a part-time profession. However, I lacked the skills, intuition, wardrobe, and conviction to really convince my subs and slaves that I was truly a lifestyle domme. I had to learn quickly what to do and how to do it; as one of my first subs told me (who happened to be handicapped) , I was “too nice and way too gentle”. It was then that I realized that they’re not looking for a nice, sweet, well-mannered lady– they were looking to submit to a “bitch– a controlling, domineering, devious, manipulative, arrogant dominatrix”. For a limited amount of time, they were relinquishing control in a power exchange, and it was my duty to assume the role, which through time and experience, began to come naturally.

Seven years later, I’m one of the most well-known dommes on the East Coast. My slaves have given me so much, and so has this career. The lessons I’ve learned along the way apply to my personal life outside of BDSM. They are universal life lessons– so no whip and 8 inch stilettos needed!

1. We all wear masks, and it’s sometimes not a bad thing to put one on! Fake it ’til you make it!

I am not naturally a cruel or sadistic person, but it is sometimes who I need to be to get the job done. Sometimes different circumstances and tasks call for an atypical approach and may require some “outside-the-box” thinking. If you’re shy or insecure, project confidence until it comes naturally. Eventually you will feel comfortable in your new-found courage.

2. Body language/ NLP speaks louder than verbal communication.

In the world of BDSM, there’s many more ways to instill fear, reverence, and dominance than just shouting and using physical force. I take extra care to make sure that my stance, my gaze, my outfit, and my facial expressions are in line with the fantasy I am creating. Non-verbal communication is just as important, if not more important, than verbal speech. And conflict arises when your body language does not compliment your verbal communication. A person who is self-aware can express their intentions and tell a story without even opening their mouth.

 3. Trust your instincts.

In this industry, I get more than a fair share of creeps and weirdos who possibly have ulterior and unsavory motives in trying to see me. I screen my phone calls and appointments with a discriminatory eye, always putting my personal safety before ANYTHING else. I trust my gut because I’d rather be alive and safe, than risk it all for a few hundred dollars. If you sense danger or feel unsettled, believe what your sixth sense is trying to tell you.

 4. Never abuse or let yourself be abused.

The term used for engaging in a BDSM scene is “play”. This is because it is a mutually agreed upon give-and-take between two consenting parties to entertain and please one another through set guidlines and rules. BDSM is NOT abuse. It has many checks and balances in place, such as safewords, to protect the submissive. As they say, “it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt”.  In the “real world”, always make sure that people around you respect you and your wishes, and more importantly– know your personal worth so that you aren’t put in a position to be abused- verbally or physically. Violence is never the answer and it’s never ok.

 5.True power comes from the mind, not from the body.

BDSM sessions are divided up between the softer “sensual” session, and the sadistic, hardcore “corporal” sessions. In both sessions, the true power of the domme comes from the submissive’s need to feel a certain way. Even while being restrained, slapped, and/or tortured, it’s the sub’s state of mind that makes the whole experience an enjoyable one. Most slaves and subs would not respond well to being humiliated or physically harmed on the street or in the workplace, but during a session, they relish the experience. Psychology of the mind is the most powerful tool of all. The body is simply a vessel by which the mind can execute its ideas, concepts, goals, and thoughts.

 6. Keep an open mind!

I am always amazed by the fact that a seemingly vanilla middle-aged man working a high-powered job that holds a lot of accountability, responsibility, and power, can walk into my dungeon and want to kneel at my feet. I commend them on exploring their fetishes and scene interests. So many people are ashamed and embarrassed by their thoughts and desires when instead, they should embrace and explore them! Life can be boring, and there’s nothing wrong with spicing up your life. Keeping an open mind to new experiences will not only preventing your life from getting stagnant, but it will also allow you to evolve emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.

 7. Having an occasional escape from reality is healthy.

A common misconception is that my slaves and subs, as well as myself, were somehow affected by childhood trauma– which led us down a depraved path into BDSM. Through this career, I have crossed paths with people from all walks of life, and the good majority of my clients, as well as other dommes I’ve worked with are average people– and so am I. I had a happy childhood, and I have a wonderful family, who I love very much. BDSM is a healthy escape from reality because it is temporary, and it’s based on mutual respect. Many “vanilla” people have vices that are either self-destructive, dangerous to themselves and to others, or psychologically and/or physically unhealthy. BDSM offers an exhilirating and sensual reprieve from the drab and repressed state of the average individual’s daily life, and it does so in a controlled and extremely safe environment. There’s nothing like the euphoric adrenaline rush I feel after having completed an appointment. Having a safe outlet is essential to finding balance in life.

 8. Life a vibrant life!

Subs are very sensual. Most are acutely sensitive to touch, taste, sound, sight, and smell. Opening up your senses  in life can lead to a more vivid life experience. The sky may seem a little bit bluer, the sun may shine brighter, and the glass may become half full!

 9. Treat people as you want to be treated.

Beneath the leather harness and collar is a human being. When the session is over, they go back to being the person they were. I would never put myself in a position where I would let someone degrade me, and I would never take advantage of my slave’s submission. I respect the hard limits of my subs, and although I do like to push the envelope and challenge boundaries, I do not go over them. After the session is over, I treat them with the same respect that I would treat anyone else. This is why I not only develop returning “regulars”, but also make long-lasting friends.

 10. Sex isn’t Everything.

A popular fallacy believed by “outsiders” is that BDSM is prostitution and that Dominatrices exchange money for sex. The reality is that dommes are not escorts, and “real” dommes do not even show nudity and will reject or abruptly end a session if this behaviour is requested. BDSM is about anything and everything BUT sex. Sex isn’t everything, and all you have to do is ask any woman and she will agree! Equal attention should be given to all the lost and forgotten components of Sex: sensuality, sexuality, desire, fantasy, foreplay, and  excitement.

-Maitresse Noire


Chris Brown & Benny Benassi – Beautiful People (Cosmic Dawn Club Remix) ORIGINAL by YOTHATSDOPE.COM

So, as dancie songs go, the lyrics are a bit repetitive. BUT, they are fucking spot on. This is my current ‘dance around my apartment in my underwear getting ready’ song. Turn it up, try it out. 

Don’t you know don’t you know
You’re beautiful don’t you know
Don’t you know don’t you know
Beautiful don’t you know know know

Live your life live your life
Let the love inside
It’s your life, it’s your life
Got to let it ride

Take your time take your time
Take your sexy time
Don’t lose your head lose your head
Your beauty’s deep inside.
Inside you.
Don’t let ‘em bring you down, no!
Your beauty is inside… you.
Cause you start your life today
And any thought you’ve dreamed of

Everywhere, everywhere
Everywhere I go
Everywhere that I’ve been
The only thing I see is
Is beautiful people
Beautiful people
Beautiful people
Beautiful people

Don’t you know, don’t you know?
You’re beautiful, don’t you know?
Don’t you know, don’t you know
Beautiful, don’t you know, know, know?

Live your life, live your life,
Let the love inside
It’s your life, it’s your life

Beautiful people


Last week I had the priviledge to participate in a Meditation Flash mob in the middle of Zuccotti Park, the homebase for the #occupywallstreet movement. It turned out to be an amazing experience.

First off, arriving at the park was a pretty intense. The space was filled with yelling protesters holding signs, cops all over the place, and gawking tourists who had no idea what to make of the whole scene. To me, it seemed pretty normal as a New Yorker to come across this kind of crazyness, although nothing really to this scale.

I made my way into the park and joined the group of meditators. I have done group meditations before, and I love the peaceful energy that surrounds the space. This was no different. Amongst the noise of jackhammers across the street, chanting prosters, sage burning, and flashbulbs going off all aound us there was a huge sense of calm that prevailed. I peeked my eyes open a few times and found it inspiring to see a group of such peaceful, quiet meditators all sharing this moment. The tourists were fascinated.

After about an hour we finished with a few oms.  I took a short walk around the park to check out everything.


Computer Station


Many Artists

The Scene

Community Altar


Meditation Flash Mob @ Occupy WallStreet from WhatMeditationReallyIs on Vimeo.

This movement is still in its beginning stages and it is still hard to figure out exactly where it will go, but I think deep down it’s a call for us as a society to share more.

Share more of ourselves, our money, and our resources.

We’ll see how things progress.


by Andrew Carter on

in Uncategorized